umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
