walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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