i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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