I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize