So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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