other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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