how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
