I look better un-naked...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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