That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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