shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
