Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
