Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
