Dual....:-)
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
