So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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