just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
