Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
vagina is talking i cant
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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