1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize