You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
