My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
