Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
