Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
