I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
