I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
