I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize