Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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