This is not my ceiling
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
