i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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