remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
