If that was your dad, he is hot
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you didnt know i had herpes?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
