I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
