Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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