The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
