How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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