So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
