How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
