You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Randomize
