Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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