How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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