are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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