your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
