Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
