Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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