Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
