I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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