i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
