Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's blow job season.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
