We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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