if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
