the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize