I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
