just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
