lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
