I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
