just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just found puke in my bra..
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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