bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
