We won't sleep together?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
