take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
