Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
