Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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