you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
