maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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