Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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