I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
