Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
