girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
