I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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